For nearly three weeks I’ve been a stay at home girlfriend. I expected it would be a lot like being a stay at home mom, where I assume one whiles away the day being crafty and cleaning while small woodland creatures serenade you. Of course, instead of taking care of an angry colicky child, I’d just be taking care of Colin. Infinitely easier, right?
I would take an angry colicky child at this point. People of the world, send me your children. Because I am bored as shit.
I knew that spending three weeks unemployed would be boring. I knew I would spend most of my time cooking or writing or just sitting at my computer with Food Network in the background. What I didn’t know was how incredibly and painfully boring it would be.
Talking to people from home, they tell me to enjoy this time to myself. “Relax!” they say. For the first week, I tried. I napped a lot. I read a lot. I baked, cleaned, organized and had secret Tina Turner dance parties in my bathroom.
And then that got boring too. So I started going outside. I went to the grocery store as many times as I could without the checkout girls giving me the fish eye. I walked a lovely trail that circles the downtown, which turned out to be 6km long, which my butt thought was 5.9km too long. I went to visit Colin at work, bringing baked goods to his office. All of that helped, but it certainly couldn’t fill up a whole day.
I am now on the verge of asking Colin if I can do his homework. I eagerly offered to be his study buddy yesterday. I got excited about CULVERTS.
Besides the boredom is just a general feeling of uselessness. Being unemployed, I’m entirely reliant on Colin. I can’t even begin to describe how itchy that makes me. I’m used to having complete financial independence, and I like that. There are few things more humbling than spending someone else’s money. If there is one silver lining of this situation, it’s that I know I could never choose to live like this. As much fun as it is to watch every episode of Big Bang Theory and forgetting to put on a bra for three days, it’s just not worth how it makes me feel about myself.
There’s something really amazing about earning and spending your own money, and I feel like you can’t appreciate it until you are forced to completely rely on someone else. As shallow as it might be, I miss shopping for myself. I miss the freedom to go to the mall and buy a new dress that makes me happy and knowing that I earned it. Even though Colin has essentially given me carte blanche, I simply cannot justify spending the money he worked hard for on things for me. Not only do I find that inherently rude, I think takes all the joy out of shopping. I like looking at my things and knowing that I don’t owe anyone for those things.
Being a stay at home girlfriend is a pain in the ass. It comes with a lot of shaky ground in terms of relationship roles, finances and mental stability. Because if I didn’t have this blog, a wonderful boyfriend and a supportive family, I honestly would have had a breakdown by now. Those Tina Turner dance parties would have devolved into Celine Dion pity parties.
So thank you for reading my ramblings. Knowing that you all read and (hopefully) enjoy has gotten me through the day to day boredom and keeps me looking at the funny side of everything.
Because if you can’t laugh when you find yourself laying on the couch in a onesie, balancing a bowl of popcorn on your stomach while watching The Wedding Planner, you’ve lost.
And this just makes me happy. Thank you and good night!