Things I’ve Pinned And Why

Pinterest. Let’s discuss.

I love it because oh my god what would I do all day without it? That site was made for people like me. People who are trapped at home. People with babies who take long naps. Insomniacs. Wedding-obsessed people. People who read Southern Living. I am not two of those (I hope).

My only problem with Pinterest is that I can’t explain my pins. Sure, the name of the board and the little comment helps, but I often find myself skipping over a pin I like because someone might not get it. And that frightens me. Like,  I might want to pin a picture of an adorable baby because I like it’s adorable hat. But then someone sees the baby and thinks “Oh my gosh Alex wants a baby.” Even if you put a disclaimer in the comment like “I only pinned this because the hat is cute,” people will think that you are trolling baby boards, subconsciously searching for Your Perfect Child (TM).

So I bypass the pictures of babies. I also bypass pictures of random quotes. This is harder to explain. Those funny, ironic, sarcastic quotes that pop up on pinterest? I love them. I think they’re hilarious. And yet, I refrain from pinning them. Why? Because when I repin the mean ones, I automatically think that the person who I’m mean to in my brain will see it and KNOW that I pinned it because of them. I do NOT like being called on my passive-aggressiveness. I also worry that the things I think are funny will offend people.

I know right? Me, offensive? Pshhh…..itballs.

So I’m taking the opportunity to ‘splain some pins that I would like to pin but I don’t, but I might now that you get it……get it?

Example One of Adorable Baby. I like babies. I think they’re cute. Look at the chub on this baby! And the daisy! And the cheeks! I don;t know what purpose this pin serves, (maybe to compare my future children’s degree of cuteness?), but I will not pin it.

BABY LEGS. Example Two. Baby thighs are the cutest. Like teeny tiny adorable sumo wrestlers.

If I pinned every picture of Kate Middleton, people would be annoyed and worried. But I honestly have such a lady crush on Kate Middleton. Like, I firmly believe we should be friends so that I can marry Prince Harry and we would dress is gorgeous couture for the rest of our lives. The End.

I would pin this but then people would think I am plotting future wedding pictures. Which I’m not….not doing.

Ok, I did pin this because I’m a badass and YOLO and all that, right? By the way, did you know that YOLO means “you only live once”? Yeah, not all that exciting. I would NOT have normally pinned this because this is like, my personal work/life philosophy, and I don’t normally like people to know what a bitch I can be. But it’s true, bitches get stuff done. Lets put that on a work appropriate T-shirt, am I right?

I don’t pin this because it’s too close to the truth. Lies. It is the truth.

I didn’t pin this out of courtesy for your brain, where this song would surely get stuck. But I love it because I would do this, and my mom wouldn’t get it, but in my mind I would be THE COOLEST.

Again, too close to the truth. Colin and I joke about what I will say/do when he finally proposes. Many of them are too close to this scenario.

I. Just. Can’t. I keep picturing Emily’s face like this. And I die all over again. If I pinned this, everyone’s pinning would come to a halt in order to laugh for the next ten minutes. I won’t be responsible for that. I also make this face when I ask Tarah “would you like to go shopping for CHEEEESE?” or when Kelsey and I open a box of new dresses at the store “You know you’re going to try on the new wedding dresses when Kelsey is like” THAT FACE.

I can’t pin this because if you haven’t seen (and loved) Mulan, you simply won’t get it. Let’s get down to business!

You wouldn’t have gotten that either. Sigh.

I know too many vegetarians who made up for their poor hunting skills with self-defence classes and general bad-assery. Even if they don’t eat bacon.

I don’t pin this because I try to keep my personal views about THINGS to myself. You know, like the THINGS they are currently debating in the US election. Feminist lady THINGS. I don’t bring them up because I am super passionate about these things, and I find it rude to inject pinterest with my personal views on THINGS. If you’ve been on pinterest a while, you may have noticed that very few people share this view!

I don’t pin this because, hello, swear words. I feel like there’s some kind of unwritten pact among the pinners that keeps the majority of bad words away. Like, it’s supposed to be a happy, pretty place full of weddings and nail polish. That being said, cats are shady as fuck. The pin speaks only the truth.

I worry that people would think about my skeletons. They don’t dance so well. Except for the story about Tarah knocking me out with a telephone. That is a personal favourite skeleton of mine, and it dances like a dream when you bust it out at a  family dinner.


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