I went outside to two – count em – TWO different places today. You know what that required? Navigation! Pre-planning! And most importantly, balls!
Gosh I hope my grandma doesn’t read this.
I went to the grocery store to buy the strangest assortment of ingredients. There were a few things still missing from my pantry, so I bought a baguette, two different kinds of yeast, Worcestershire sauce, sun dried tomatoes, peach juice and white cheddar popcorn. All of those things are pantry necessities, didn’t you know?
I then took myself way across town (it takes like 10 minutes just to drive there) to Wal-Mart. I was pretty excited about this trip because hello, Wal-Mart is supposed to be fun. Plus, it meant putting my 1991 Pontiac Grand Prix – fondly known as Big Rhonda – back on the highway. Well, let me tell something to you. Wal-Mart is not fun, it is depressing. It’s like shopping in a half-price hospital. It feels so sterile yet so germy. What made the trip even less fun was the strange jerky tap dance my car did as I tried to get her up to 80 on the highway. It was like tugging a donkey up a hill. Sure, once it shifted into whatever gear it was fine. I cranked that old girl up to 120 (I promise I checked for cops first) just to make sure it wasn’t going to do it again. And on the drive home, totally fine. She’s probably feeling a little agoraphobic too. After all, I picked her up from her safe and happy home, carted her through mountainous terrain and gruelling heat to a place where she is constantly in fear of being struck by moose or elk or grizzly bears and probably sasquatch, and then left her home alone all day to wallow in her loneliness. She was probably just sensing my feelings and shivering nervously or something and … oh my god I’m anthropomorphizing my car. Send help.
Well, when I got home my nerves were pretty shot because besides the car trouble, I missed the turnoff to our apartment and ended up going up the one way street (in the right direction, thank god). The one way street also happens to be like, the main street of town. People be crazy on the main street at lunch hour in Quesnel. Grannies will walk out in front of your car, people totally disregard the four way stop procedure and Booster Juice gives out free samples which is so incredibly distracting when you’re driving.
When I came home and turned on the TV, I saw Colin’s street in Maple Ridge on the news! And then they were talking about serial killers and police standoffs and helicopters! So I had to phone Colin’s mom to make sure everyone was alive, because automatically my head was like, the serial killer went after your boyfriends entire family and oh my god how will you tell him and why hasn’t anyone phoned you to reassure you that they’re not dead? Thanks overactive imagination fed by Criminal Minds, CSI and J.D. Robb books, I really needed that. But luckily everyone was totally fine and actually completely unaware of what was going on just around their corner.
So to destress I’m making Joy the Baker’s Easy Spicy Garlic Bread. Nothing like pouding the crap out of a ball of dough to realign the chakras and whatnot. That, and staring at my Pinterest feed for the next four hours should cure me.
Seriously, check out my Pinterest. I’ve been pinning the heck out of that thing. Especially my non-existent wedding board. Yeah, Colin might be thinking twice about leaving me home alone all day.